thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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