Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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