member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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