i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A+ Viking dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
