It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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