I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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