I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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