I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
