I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
