We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
