we made out on top of his cat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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