i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
