I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
