I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
