Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
