if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You left your phone here
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