Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
