Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
