id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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