And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
