1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
