I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
