I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
