My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
