You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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