guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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