Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
