I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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