i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
