I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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