wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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