I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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