Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
