wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pants are for mortals
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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