You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
