to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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