Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
