So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
