If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Four minutes until I can fart!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
