The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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