The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
