It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We got so high we made milksteak
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
