One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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