coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
