she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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