Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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