Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
