I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
