Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
