Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
