we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
