I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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