he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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