even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
