No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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